Half-dreams of Falling

No words can describe,
The way that i feel.
Look into my soul,
Look into my eyes,
Hold my hands,
Feel my heartbeat,
Hug me,
Kiss me,
Caress me,
Be with me,
Than you will know.
If you care,
If my love is sweet,
If I make you smile,
If my love warms you like sunbeams,
Don't go, don't leave, just don't.
Or go away, disappear from remembrance, to oblivion.
Erase you from my memory if you can.
Make cease how much i care.
Make it stop, stop the pain you caused.
Is it so easy? Can it be?
Just looking away?
Minding no more?
You shred the life in me.
You tore me apart.
Do you know the feeling of losing your dreams?
Your hopes missing?
The ground you tread, slips off your feet.
One moment you think your life is alright.
You love the one you love.
Then, the one you love dissapears.
Can anyone imagine such an abyss?
I keep on falling.
The half-dreams of falling,
Of which you wake up in less than seconds,
I keep on falling and falling and falling.
I don't care if I hit the ground.
I don't care, not anymore.
Once you are in a world of suffering too long,
You become like god.
You are in darkness,
Nothing around you,
Nobody with you,
Equal to you.
In a darkness so deep
You become so powerful.
You can't die,
You can't feel,
You are etheral.
No more among living,
Neither among the dead.
The thing around you,
Is it air?
Is it water?
How can you be sure?
I may be swimming,
No i'm sure.
I am swimming
In greenish-dark waters of the undead.
Souls are flowing, shouting their thin whisper.
So sharp it pierces from your ears to your heart.
"Their voice is safe, they can't hurt you.
Look at yourself, Listen to yourself,
Though you are so full of it,
You can't really comprehend yourself.
Look at yourself, you are one of them."
Says someone.
A boatman?
He is rowing, that much i can see.
Than he must be god,
The one-eyed dark rider in the land of blind.
Then the feeling comes,
I know he is just as free as a guardian,
In an endless maze of an unreal pandemonium.
Is it my mind?
"Ahh, there comes the epiphany."
Again the sound, again disturbing my peaceful agony.
The sound is endless, originless, bursting out of creation.
The water is dark, suffocating, asphyxiating.
Beating fills the substance around me,
Almost like a drum.
So long is the interval,
You forget sometimes it will beat again.
You know it will come,
It is unavoidable, death-like.
Not that i'm scared of anymore.
But waiting, alas, the waiting.
You wish it stops beating.
In freezing depths, your heart is like this.
You wish it stops, but the fire drops in it.
A drop of lava right onto a frozen mass.
It beats and you wish it stopped.
Snow does cover you in soothing forgetfulness.
You lie and think about nothing, a peacefulness,
Like no other you can think of.
Then it beats, and beats and beats.
You curse the old fool brought fire amongst human.
Because you are bound next to him.
The same buzzard pecks out my eyes,
Eats my heart, i know it will come again.
Will come back, just the moment you think you are healed.
Just the moment you think you are at the top of the hill.
It rolls back, again and again, rolls back, rolls back.
It never stops, not for a day, not for a moment,not even a second.
So much that you can't think of anything.
Tied to chair, watching the most disturbingly beautiful movie
For ever, and ever, and ever.
It will never end, the fall, the rolling, the suffocation, no it won't.
So, i'm lucky.
A blood contract of endless torment, he offered.
Will it be so much different or harder than this?
Show me a way, tell me why,
I shouldn't make the bargain with him?
Why should a soul so worthless to her,
Worths so much for him.
He is running around me, tempting me.
Beating around the bush, with his sinuous language.
"Sell it, give away, do it, do it! "
There must be a catch, why else the dire need?
I will ask him to humour me to answer my mind.
But i'm sure he is busy, busy, busy.